Confession of a Yoga Teacher
Taking a month off from practicing and teaching yoga was the best thing I’ve done for myself in a while. I can imagine now the judgements, shock, and possibly even the snarls coming from other yoga enthusiasts and teachers but the truth is that a break was wholly necessary for me. There is so much pressure as a teacher or as someone who considers themselves a “yogi” to speak, live, and breathe yoga as though it’s the only thing we really care about in life. I’m not here to argue against that idea but instead to dig a little deeper into how that ideal might hinders us and how #yogaeverydamnday is too closely attached to the asana (physical/ postural) practice that we partake in.
When I first started my practice, I fell in love because of how freeing, noncompetitive, and relaxing the yoga environment and community was. Over time, as yoga became a larger practice in the United States and in Kansas City, those aspects had been slowly morphing into pressures to pull students into my class, to produce stunning social media, to keep up with my fellow teachers and intimate practitioners, and to consistently portray that this practice was always changing my life in positive ways. The hashtag #yogaeverydamnday has come to embody these pressures for me and as a self-judging human being, when I see it, instead of being inspired, I feel inadequate that I didn’t make it to my mat that day, or worse, feeling like a bad teacher or bad yogi, because quite frankly, I didn’t WANT to go to my mat that day.
My long break was initiated because I was studying abroad in Copenhagen, Denmark. Before I left, I knew deep down I wasn’t interested in learning about the Yoga community in Copenhagen and was more interested in pursuing some other passions while I was there. Nonetheless, I didn’t make any firm decision not to practice. I decided to play it by ear. My time abroad ended up being filled with other amazing adventures. I fell in love with biking around the city the same way I fell in love with yoga. I could talk for days about all the things I learned in my coursework and how it has changed my perspective and literally how I view the world around me. What really struck me while I was there however, was that not physically practicing yoga didn’t mean It wasn’t still a part of my life. The act of being wholly absorbed in my surroundings and experience was a meditation. The tools that I’ve brought home from my coursework can help to bring acceptance, equity, and unity to cities- principles of yoga that extend far beyond a down dog or warrior 2 pose. Being stuck in the rain on my bicycle and absolutely loving every minute of it is was the most enlightened I’ve felt in years.
The purpose of all this is to share my struggles as a yoga practitioner and teacher with the pressure to be a “good yogi”, to make it to my mat every day (or even often for that matter), to constantly be progressing with my practice until I’ve become a Yoga fairy who can grocery shop in a handstand and poops out tiny buddhas.
Getting caught up in the now existent pressures of the yoga community is the antithesis of yoga itself. Physically practicing is one small piece to a larger system that is supposed to help us judge ourselves LESS. If what once inspired you has lost its zeal, take a break! You might find it will bring you closer to home, to your own truth, than you ever imagined.